Cake vs. Pie - The Debate

On the eGullet forums several months ago a debate ensued about which was better, cake or pie. I came down firmly on the pie side, where (as usual) I was in the minority. Since we are fast approaching an election year, I thought we should let cake and pie duke it out for themselves in a debate. I will act as moderator. One note: cheesecake asked to be allowed to debate since he is neither cake nor pie, but he was deemed to not have the fundraising levels necessary to participate.

After a coin toss, Cake is allowed to go first.

M: Cake, what do you have to offer the voting public? What makes you a better choice than pie?

C: I am the candidate for all people. My textures range from light and airy (to fit the blue states) down to moist and dense (surely a red state pleaser). There is a texture for every palate in America.

I clearly give the people what they want. They want the icing on the cake! They want to have the cake and eat it too! I offer a plethora of delectable icings, again with a range of textures and flavors to suit every mood and need.

I say to you, what do people celebrate with on special occasions? Have you ever seen a wedding pie or even a birthday pie? No! The people demand cake and I will give it to them all.

M: Pie, it's your turn. What makes you the superior candidate?

P: Cake says he is for everyone, but in reality he is only for the privileged elite - "Let them eat cake!" He claims to be all about texture, but I offer more texture than he can even comprehend. I can be firm, but loose if the situation calls for it. Cake is too stiff to be able to relate to the common man, but nothing is more homespun and American as apple pie. Does the song go "baseball, hot dogs, lemon cake and Chevrolet?" No, indeed. I offer a range of tastes for everyone, from the lowest shepherd to the elite chess player. I can contribute to more parts of the meal, too. A chicken pot pie on every plate! Cake cannot offer the substance needed for the main course, but I can be with people from the appetizer to the dessert. I believe the choice is easy.

M: Cake, there have been assertions that you are too dry. What is your response?

C: That assertion is only from those who choose to overbake me. If they would listen to my message and pull me out of the oven sooner, they wouldn't need to resort to using milk to wash me down.

P (interjects): Cut and run! Always wanting to pull out of the heat before the job is finished!

C: That's an interesting response from someone as flaky as you. You can't even make up your mind if you are dinner or dessert! Talk about waffling!

M: Let's please each take our turn. There will be time for rebuttal later. Pie, Cake brings up a point I wanted to mention. You have often been called flaky, and sometimes even downright nutty. Your response?

P: If being tender yet crisp is a crime, then I am guilty. I am a deep individual. And I believe that being nutty on occasion is just being human.

M: Cake, Pie has considers himself deep. Do you feel that you are as well?

C: Not only am I deep, but I have many layers. In fact, I  have many more layers than pie, who would collapse under the pressure.

P: My layers might not be as lofty but I have hundreds of layers in my crust alone.

M: Any last comments?

C: I am the all purpose candidate. I embrace layers of diversity and I've been a sponge soaking up the knowledge needed to be an effective leader. Throughout the years I have retained the specialness that makes me desired at every important occasion. I come in all sizes to meet the needs of any situation. I feel I can best expound on the values important to the nation. Pie lacks focus - he is trying to cover too many bases.

P: I cover more bases, but this is a diverse country. I can relate to everyman, and I remain humble. I can be tarted up for a special occasion, but let's face it - the main work to be done isn't going to be fancy, it's going to be grunt work. It's not for cupcakes (and need I even mention that Cake is the Devil's food?) The country can't be trifled with - let's buckle down and cobble together the best nation we can!

C: I just want to point out that I was the angels' food first and remain so to this day.

Comments

[Kathy Henry]

Darcie
You just absolutely crack me up. Keep up the good work.
Kathy

[ntsc]

I'm a cake man myself, but always willing to sample a good counter argument, especially chocolate Bourbon Pecan.

[Becca]

Personally I will take a high quality slice of pie over cake any day. The trouble is almost no one (ourselves excluded) makes pie from scratch anymore.

I detest those commercially made birthday cakes. Any cake where the frosting comes in a huge tub, I can do without.

Now a well prepared interesting cake. Bring it on!

[ntsc]

True, I use store bought crust. I keep promising myself I won't but I do.

Also there is a small bakery near us that does better pie than we can. With the way we eat, dessert is seldom included. Really only when there are guests.

[javafiend]

Amen, Becca, on those commercial cakes...the most galling thing is that the label says buttercream, but I can taste the shortening in the frosting